Are you always searching for work life balance tips to help you achieve the perfect balance? I’m sharing my perspective on balance.
Work Life Balance Tips. Are they a real thing?
Balance. It’s the wonderful thing that all moms thrive for but feel like they can never achieve. Between taking care of kids, cooking meals, cleaning, and what seems to be a never ending to-do list, we all strive for finding the sweet spot of managing it all.
As a mompreneur I find that one of the questions that I’m constantly asked is “how do I balance it all”.
I’m going to be completely honest – I don’t. I truly don’t believe in balance. Your life is constantly changing. Things come up. New projects and deadlines arise. Everyone’s schedule changes. Balance in life isn’t a thing.
I know some of you reading this are probably thinking that I’m completely insane but it’s true. In almost 8 years of being a mom, I’ve never been able to achieve a perfectly balanced life and that’s okay.
Things happen and you have to make changes along the way. Your kids could get sick and have to come home from school early, you could miss making it to the grocery store so instead you have to get take out for dinner. A million things could happen to throw your schedule out of whack.
Breathe and roll with it.
Here’s why not having balance is okay…
I know that every day for my family and I is not going to be the same. This is something that I struggled with for years. I’m a very structured person that likes to stick to a very structured schedule. After having Tristan, I realized that I needed to throw that shit out of the window. Becoming a NICU mom changed everything for me. When Tristan was in the hospital, not one day was the same. I had to understand and find out how to move past scheduling every minute of my day. Being able to have a flexible schedule and drop everything for my kids during that time was something that I needed to be able to do.
I had to learn how to somehow incorporate self care into my routine because I was going through so much. Taking care of myself was the last thing that was on my mind. It was the last thing that I wanted to do. All I wanted was to spend every waking moment with my kids, soaking up their love. It took me a while to learn that. I think Tristan was in the NICU for almost 5 months when I had my “aha” moment.
I was expecting that every day should be perfect and go exactly how I planned them. If you’ve been a mom for longer than 24 hours, you know that that’s probably never going to happen while your kids are under your roof.
My expectations were unrealistic.
After Tristan went back to the hospital that was when I realized how much of a disservice I was doing to myself and my family. I was forcing myself to find balance. I was forcing myself to be everywhere for everyone. In my mind, asking for help wasn’t an option. I had to portray that I was the “strong black mom” who could do it all with a straight face. The day came where I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I had a mental breakdown.
It wasn’t the first I had after he was born but it was the one that made me realize that my life, Tristan’s life, was out of my control.
Honestly, I remember that night like it was yesterday. I had just come home from my nightly visit with TJ at the hospital. He was having a bad day, probably one of his worst. Mentally it was taking a toll on me and I couldn’t control my emotions anymore.
Tatiana was in bed. My husband and I were sitting on the couch. He was frustrated and I could tell. It was probably the hundredth time that he had come home to a dirty apartment filled with clutter and dirty dishes in the sink. My priority wasn’t my home. My priority was my son.
We talked and I just let it all out. I let my husband know how I was feeling and exactly what I was thinking. That was the first night that I thought “maybe my son won’t make it.” I realized that night that as much as I want to do it all and be everything for everyone, I couldn’t. No one knows this, except of course you now, but that was the night that I had a conversation with God about why this was my path in life. Why did he choose my son to have to experience this? That was the night I pleaded with God in my bathroom shower to heal my son and take his struggles away so that he could come home and I could find “balance”.
I’ll never forget that night. It’s one of the conversations that I often replay in my head and regret. It’s the reason I don’t believe in balance.
I knew that I felt like I needed to do it all because “doing it all” was the only thing I had control over.
So if you ask me if I believe in balance or advice on how to achieve it, I can’t help you. It’s not something that I believe in and I don’t think I ever will.
Spend your time doing what you can. Do what you need to do to get things done. Along the way you’ll learn your limits and learn how much you can handle before you get burnt out.
Life is precious and short. Don’t spend your days worrying about balance and obsessing over finishing your to-do list every single day. Every moment of worry or stress steals the joy in your life. Let the idea of a balanced life go. Instead spend your time being happy and doing what you love.
Work Life Balance Tips for Moms
- Understand that life isn’t perfect. Be willing to roll with the punches as they come.
- Prioritize your to-do list.
- Create a schedule for yourself so that you can manage your time wisely and be more productive.
- Value your personal time.
- Ask your family and friends for help.
- Spend an hour every day doing something you love.
- Step away when life gets too hectic. Self care is important.
- Be 100% present in everything that you do. Stop multitasking.
- Find efficient time hacks that work for you. These cleaning hacks are some of my favorites.
- Get enough sleep.
- Plan meals ahead of time. My family and I like to create a monthly meal plan which is super helpful.
- Try working out to relieve stress.
Photos by Emma Shourds Photography